John Collins

John, I know you are holding hands with our greatly loved Rain. You meant so much to all of us and you had changed your life to be a better person, we were all so proud of you. You were always the clown but yet so intelligent and had such a love for politics it drove us all crazy. You served proudly for the US Navy for 6 years and your country greatly appreciated your service. But sadly the Navy also turned you into an alcoholic and that destroyed your life until the fateful day you met Rain at an narcotics anonymous meeting. I remember Rain calling me and laughing which was so odd to tell me she met this really awesome good looking guy at NA of all places and you two just always seemed to be together all the time, people always thought you were either her big bad brother or the boyfriend that would beat them senseless if they looked at her wrong. But no one knew that you loved her, you were scared that she would turn you down because you weren’t always sober, no one is perfect. I remember you telling me that every night you kissed her picture goodnight and prayed that you could muster the strength to go on with the guilt and regret of not having the courage to man up and tell her how you felt. Tears are rolling down my cheeks just thinking of how you suffered and blamed yourself. I’ve read her journals that she left behind for us and she talked about you all the time jokingly calling you her personal bouncer and protector, you caught her when she fell and rushed her away so she wouldn’t feel so embarrassed. Damn it John she loved you and you loved her GOD WHY could you save each other! I don’t want to cry cause I know ya’ll are together now and at peace but man I still have some of your clothes at my house, I can still smell you on those shirts. Why didn’t you come and live with me when I asked you to? She wasn’t at the bottom of those damn bottles.

But it’s too late for this. You were great! You loved to keep in shape and women drooled over you with your beautiful hair and etched abs that you showed off all the time. You couldn’t sing at all but once Rain got you playing the guitar you sang everything with her, how many bonfires, camping trips, nights spent sitting on someone’s living room floor just jamming out? I can’t count. But you were a total mess of a man, we died laughing when we bought you a washer and dryer for your apartment and you didn’t know how to use them! But you keep some swank digs, for a guy you had awesome taste in everything from home furnishings to your insane wardrobe. You stuck out with you neat crisp brand name jeans and ironed shirts, preppy boy that’s what we called you behind your back. But that’s not how I remember you… I remember you always walking around in boxers and that’s it, I think you did it to torture me and entertain Rain. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go to IHOP ever again, that was where we spent long nights over coffee and packed ash trays, I drive by there everyday to work and smile we had such good times there.

We did it though, we are getting you moved to be buried next to Rain. I didn’t know you could actually do that, but you asked us to bury you there and that didn’t happen right… but I made it happen. I also bought the four plots next to you two so all the Figments will be together in the end. I’ll be right beside you and Rain when I leave this world, there’s no other place on the planet I would want to be. Her parents bought plots right in front of Rain’s… so we’ll always be together. For anyone reading this and thinking it’s rather morbid… well there’s a reason. We might not be blood but we all have one thing in common Rain brought us all together. The Figments, that’s what we were dubbed, well we were all full of problems. I lived on the streets when I met Rain, I was cold wet and starving to death, I’d lost all my strength and probably would have died in a few days had the Figments not found me. Astral and Mark swept me up and Rain rushed me to the hospital where I was treated but the problem was I was had been a drug addict living on the streets since I was 15, I had nothing and no where to live. Rain sat with me in the hospital for three days and by then begged her parents to take me in. I wasn’t the first. Astral and Mark had been taken in and helped, then myself, and Kristen and Denise, and then the John Collins and John Richards. Her parents built on to their house to help save us all and we are family tighter than blood we are bound with unconditional saving grace of God that lent us Rain and John for a little while. We all want to be together in our final resting place with the person that gave damn and didn’t just pass by another homeless kid on the streets.

John, 189 people showed up for your memorial. You thought you were invisible and no one cared, well 189 people cared enough to come and say goodbye. Even your Mom came, she hadn’t seen you since you went into the Navy in 2001. Her loss our gain. We are getting you a new head stone, we hated the one they originally placed, black marble to match Rain’s. I’ll visit often, you know I will. You often visited Rain with me.

I keep asking God how much does he think is too much for me to bare
I don’t get many answers that way but I feel compelled to carry on
I feel like I should comb the streets and find another child in need
I feel that I should carry out what Rain started
Saving what most thought was long lost
Just because your gone doesn’t mean what we started ends
Hell we didn’t know we had started anything
Until we lost the heart of what brought us together
I can close my eyes and see you and Rain
Cuddled up on the couch watching movies
Do they have Blue Ray in heaven?
I’ll live the rest of my life fighting to save people that feel lost
We all felt that but the truth was we weren’t lost
We just hadn’t been found yet

GOD I miss ya’ll so much I can’t breath, you both are so far away but still I feel you right here with me. I want the world to know that God sent me to be here and to learn from you both and boy did I learn to love in ways I didn’t think was possible, I didn’t think I’d ever trust anyone again… but ya’ll changed all of that. I had no family, I never knew, I never could understand happiness, I hated being alive… I just knew I was a waste but apparently ya’ll didn’t believe that. I know where I belong now, I know what I am here to do, and I know ya’ll are cheering me on. But damn this pain, I want to scream… please if you are up there and you could do me one favor, please don’t take anymore of our family away, be with us all. Let us know you are here with us and you didn’t just abandon us. Give us hope, not that you hadn’t already though. I thought I had cried all the tears I had left but I’m sobbing now, God I love you John… I miss you Rain.